Despite lacking the required full mustache, and with zero literary titles to his name, Texas Rangers left-hander Derek Holland has announced that he has become legendary author Kurt Vonnegut.
Holland was taking in the Dallas Mavericks-Milwaukee Bucks game Friday night when a reporter from Fox Sports Southwest spotted Holland's Dutch Afro from 100 yards away and interviewed him from the stands. Amazingly, Holland continued morphing into Vonnegut right in front of the crowd at the American Airlines Center. The only thing stopping a full transformation was the inability to fully grow his mustache, which measures only a few millimeters thick, even after painstaking cultivation since birth. (And Holland has yet to write even one novel, whereas Vonnegut — who died in 2007 — produced 14 over five decades.)
Final score: Slaughterhouse 5, Holland's Mustache 0.
An emerging side note:
Holland and Mavericks superstar Dirk Nowitzki seem to be budding acquaintances. Dirk threw out the first pitch before a Rangers' World Series game, the two squared off on YouTube for Wiffle Ball supremacy and now Holland has come out as Kurt Vonnegut at one of Nowitzki's games.
No word on whether Holland owns any funny T-shirts of Mark Twain, whom he also resembles.
Big BLS h/t: Mocksession
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